“He slid his fingers beneath her blouse, slowly undoingthe buttons with his left hand while his right found the laceseparating him from her soft, creamy skin. Reaching the clasp, heundid her bra and slowly moved his thumb across her nipple. Shemoaned with pleasure…”

It’s 2004, and for the last four decades, people have beenbreaking through society’s boundaries of what is acceptableand appropriate. The fact that adult film star JennaJameson’s book tops the bestseller list says itall8212;people are becoming increasingly less embarrassed about,and more openly interested in, sex and the details therein. Sexwith the lights off is, like, so last century.

Now that we’re free to do what we please, what should wedo? For those still stymied by old-fashioned sexual hang-ups, Isuggest a slow start. I’m going to jump into stereotypeshere, so be aware that I’m generalizing. Even though thereare quite a few adventurous girls out there, there are also quite afew females who have trouble connecting with their”naughty” side.

For every adventurous type there are probably four who hideunder the covers until the lights go out and then grit their teethuntil it’s over, moaning in fake pleasure as their boyfriendpounds away. This is not to accuse the boyfriend, who probablyassumes she’s enjoying herself, judging from her response tohis tender ministrations.

But to overcome this shy, repressed side, try a little jauntinto the romantic imagination and make your own erotica. Write downsome images or a scene that gets you going8212;maybe a certainmovie or book makes your stomach do flip flops and your nipplestingle. Try a Nora Roberts novel for a starter, or rent the uncutversion of an old standard, “Basic Instinct”. Ifyou’re not comfortable there, write down some things thatarouse you, and e-mail them to your partner. Have them take up thethread where you left off, moving the encounter forward. Then add abit more and send it back. Eventually, you should have a wholestory about a sexual encounter that really gets you in the mood.The next time you’re together, you can read it aloud or actit out. This is a fantastic way to connect, and open up to yourpartner.

For guys it might seem more simple8212;arousal may not(generally speaking) be a problem. Feeling out theirpartner’s insecurities and finding out the best way to arousethem, however, is a different story. If you’re a guywho’s idea of romance is “Nice legs, what time do theyopen?” then this is for you. Maybe the idea of having tothink about arousing your partner is a little intimidating.It’s the road to better sex though, because if your partnergets off, for real, then you have the added satisfaction of abetter experience yourself, and feeling pretty damn good about yourown prowess.

If you hate the idea of picking up a Nora Roberts novel orwriting a sexy story to help your partner get in the mood, take ita step further. Go for some soft-core action to ease your girl intothe more advanced stuff. Not everyone is ready to jump into”Hard and Fast” or “Debbie Does Dallas,”but even bookstores like Borders carry erotica, and it won’tbe wrapped in a brown paper package. No need to get embarrassedabout your purchase, not only is it acceptable; it’s for agood cause&-sex. At the very least, break out your stash ofPlayboy or Penthouse, combing through them for ideas to pass alongto your partner.

Don’t be afraid to break boundaries. If you’re astraight girl but the description of the female form adds to yourexcitement, don’t clam up and get weird. It doesn’tnecessarily mean anything other than the fact that you canappreciate sensual language and the female form. Eroticadoesn’t have to be mainstream to be enjoyable&-most ofthe time it’s not. Threesomes, girl-on-girl, or group scenescan figure largely into moving erotica. Let go of those hang-upsand inhibitions and get the imaginative juices flowing&-youwon’t regret it.