Wahida Kakar would be living a very different life if she had not come to the United States at age 8. If her family had stayed in Afghanistan, she knows that by now, at age 22, she would be uneducated, married with five kids and her job would be to cook and clean for her husband and family.

For the first time this summer, Kakar returned to the country of her birth with her parents this summer. Kakar, a junior majoring in journalism, spent two months there in the home town she barely remembers leaving years before. She also met her cousins, who were amazed at the freedom she has in America.

She arrived in Kabul and was disturbed to see how run-down the city was. She was confronted by men begging for money and saw many people missing limbs from years of warfare in their country.

“I expected to see upsetting things in Afghanistan; so much poverty. But I couldn’t believe that nothing had been fixed since the war. Blown up tanks are still lying around, burnt out planes and there are bullet holes in every building,” she said.

Kakar said she still felt safe, despite the reports of danger in Afghanistan. Her mother’s family moved to America from Afghanistan, but she had never met her father’s side of the family.

“It was pretty much a reunion of all my family. I couldn’t believe how many cousins I have. Imagine meeting 28 first cousins for the first time,” Kakar said.

Kakar’s father has been sending money home to his family since arriving in America, but is now encouraging them to get jobs and find some independence. Kakar feels bad for her cousins, who envy her life in America.

wish they could be here living the American dream. They think I have a wonderful life here,” she said.Kakar’s family in Afghanistan has no hot water, the electricity is only on at night and they cook over a fire in a hole in the ground.

During the Taliban’s regime women were beaten for being seen in public without wearing the traditional chadri. Now they have freedom from such oppression but many choose to still wear the chadri, which covers women from head to foot with only a woven mesh over the eyes. Many now only wear a hejab, which is a head scarf.

Kakar always wore traditional dress while in Afghanistan, the hejab with a long shirt over pants. She tried wearing a chadri to see what it would be like.

“It was suffocating. I couldn’t even see if I turned my head. The heat was unbearable,” she said.Kakar’s parents are very strict by American standards.

In Kakar’s family there is no smoking, no drinking, no dating and no clubbing.

“My parents think if I’m not at school or at work, I shouldn’t be out,” she said.

Kakar accepts a lot of her parent’s rules. She will not speak English at home and enjoys keeping their Afghan traditions alive. The family does not use couches, a dinner table or silverware. They sit on the floor and eat with their hands.

One rule Kakar refuses to follow is arranged marriage. Both her brother and her sister are in arranged marriages but Kakar has spoken to her parents and said she will choose the man she marries but will choose a Muslim. She refused her first marriage proposal at 14.

“I am considered old in Afghanistan. I should be married by now but I’m definitely not ready yet,” she said.

Many Americans would be glad they do not have strict parents like Kakar’s, but Kakar counts herself lucky.

If she grew up in Afghanistan, things would be different. She would have feared for her life under the Taliban if she did not wear the chador. In America, she wears whatever she wants.

She would already be married to a man of her father’s choice. Here she can marry any one she wants.

She would not be studying and driving herself to school. She would be cooking, cleaning and raising children.

Kakar said she will always remember her trip to Afghanistan and meeting her family for the first time but is glad she is living the American dream.