As a speed dater there is only one thing you need to concern yourself with, speed. Here are seven questions that you should have in mind to have your speed date go from single to dating in minutes.

1. Ask about exesBecause you want to know what they did wrong so you can do the complete opposite

2. “Where is this going?”You have people to meet and places to be, you can’t afford to waste your time

3. Talk about your/her biological clockBecause there are only so many eggs in your uterus, and nothing says commitment like “Let’s make a baby!”

4. Talk about past sexual experiencesBecause, if you put out on the first date, then you want to have peace of mind. Plus that story about when you made out with your college roommate after drinking a fifth of vodka is just so entertaining

5. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”Because let’s face it, you’re still a child

6. “Is sex important?”If the answer is no, then hooray for you, ’cause your date is a bad screw too

7. Do you have any upcoming dates?Neither does the person across from you

Mikhail Chernyavsky can be reached at [email protected]