Lets’ see, who’s the better choice – the guy who’s having rough, fetish sex with the 10-year-old Guatemalan boy, or the guy who’s hitting the crack pipe with a scabby transvestite prostitute named Wanda? Decisions, decisions. Which one represents my interests more?

For all of you who were duped yet again into supporting the many corrupt and lascivious politicians yesterday, I’m truly curious as to how you hacked your way through the dense jungle of slime and slander to make an educated choice about who’s going to repeatedly stab you in the back and ignore your interests over the next several years.

I don’t vote. I’ve never voted and I never will vote. And not just because I’m lazy or don’t care, but I don’t vote because it’s pointless.

Despite what everyone preaches, unless a race is decided by a single vote, one vote doesn’t make a difference. And according to the Boston Globe, the closest gubernatorial race in US history was decided by 129 votes. That doesn’t sound to me like one more vote would’ve made any difference.

And does anyone find it terrifically baffling that there are more choices for Hornet Homecoming King than there are to run this state? Of all of the approximately 35 million people in California, the cream of the crop is a juiced up body builder who’s most famous for lugging around a sub-machine gun and killing people, and Louis Skolnick from Revenge of the Nerds.

And it wouldn’t be so bad if some of them weren’t just so dismally shameless. Candidates don’t talk about issues. They don’t discuss their plans to improve anything. They will however insult their opponent’s hygiene. They will discredit their opponent’s education. They will mention their third nipple.

I challenge you to think of any candidate whose campaign cornerstone is not solely based on trashing his or her opponent. This mudslinging has created the notion that you shouldn’t vote for the person you like the most, but just the one who’s not the worst.

In fact, try doing this in your next job interview and see where it gets you. Tell your interviewer that the applicant waiting in the hall is meth-head Nazi, who chats online with underage girls. You’ll be a shoe-in.

Not only do candidates bicker to the point of sounding like selfish children, but they never stand up and take responsibility for their actions.

It always seems that they’re having to cover up for who they really are. Racist comment? “I was taken out of context.” Taking kickbacks? “I was channeling it to a local charity.” There’s an excuse for everything.

Again, try this at your work and see what happens. Call someone gay or slap someone’s ass and you won’t only be fired on the spot, but you’ll get to be a part of a class action lawsuit that’ll leave you with your pockets turned inside out.

Unless, of course, you work at the capital, where they have a secret army of brooms on hand to sweep those kinds of things under the rug.

And finally I’d like to respond to all of you who’ve been thinking, “Well if he doesn’t vote, he’s got not right to complain about anything.”

Well, that’s where you’re wrong. People who do vote have only themselves to complain about when the guy they vote for turns out to be the next Mark Foley or Tom DeLay or Ted Kennedy or Jack Abramoff or Marion Berry or Trent Lott or Newt Gingrich or Bill Frist or Kenneth Lay.

If you voted for someone or God forbid one of these upstanding representatives, you’ve got no right to complain about them, because it was you and other enlightened folks like you who enabled their thievery, corruption and incompetence.

I, on the other hand, can complain because I don’t support any of the suit-and-tie farces that run this state or country.

I can criticize all I want because I can proudly say that I’ve never participated in the system or supported anyone involved with it. And when someday the whole thing eats itself alive, I’ll be the first one to say it never represented me.