If Britney and Kevin, Jessica and Nick and Brad and Jennifer have taught us anything, it’s that breaking up is hard to do. Well, actually Neil Sedaka taught us that way before any of these inevitable celebrity break-ups happened, but that’s not what I want to talk about. The break-up is a prerequisite for yet another famously-delicious (and equally publicized) relationship known as the “rebound.”

Now the rebound “relationship” is just as, if not more, important than the actual relationship that caused it. The main thing to recognize is that a person on the rebound is most often the person who’s just been dumped. We know this because very seldom does somebody opt out without ulterior motives. Just like you don’t quit a job before you’ve got another one lined up, most dumpers don’t test the waters without a “plan b.”

Dumpees are a different story. They’re oftentimes blindsided by the news and have little time to call in the medics or salvage a counterattack. So when a rebounder finally regroups from this bombshell, the ground can seem a bit shaky.

First of all, most people are in a vulnerable mental state after exiting a real relationship. So what better to bolster your confidence and poise by leaning on a stand-in mate whose sole purpose is to raise your spirits and get your mind off what ails you, whether they know it or not? Secondly, what better way to flaunt your independence to your ex than being seen and possibly hooking up with someone who you may have wanted all along? There are few people who don’t get some secret sense of satisfaction when an ex gazes longingly while you’ve got that super-sweet eye candy hanging off your arm in the middle of a party that everyone is at.

But as rewarding as the rebound can be, it can also be just as perilous. The Wedding Crashers taught us about the “stage five clinger,” which can result in a deadly backfire for a newly-single person ready to experience some freedom. What good is getting out of prison if the ball and chain is going to stay put? No, the furthest thing from anyone’s who is newly single’s mind should be another relationship based on actual emotions and care. And the rebounder is also vulnerable to persuasive advances by the former mate to “continue as friends.” This is a trick and not to be taken with any degree of hope for any future relationship. Friends do not have sex with each other. If they did, they would cease to be friends and become people who have sex with each other.

So I guess what we need to establish is the target for a perfect rebound relationship. In all reality, it would be someone else who’s also vulnerable and needs someone to lean on, like someone else on the rebound. It makes perfect sense. You both want the same thing from each other and can both identify with the other’s position. You can both share tales of woe and heartache and curse the names of your exes together. And the beautiful thing is that you’ll both know that the bond that unites you is as superficial and temporary as any infatuated Hollywood love connection. Just don’t get too close, or else you’ll be back to square one…

Josh Huggett can be reached at [email protected]