Here are my ingredients and directions to a bad punk rock show at Sacramento State. First, take about 40-60 unenthusiastic college kids. Secondly, mix in three bands no one has ever heard of. Then, top it all off with a group of middle-aged guys who call themselves Goldfinger, and presto! You have three hours of your life you’ll never get back.

Let me go a little further in depth with my recipe – first of all, the crowd. As expected there wasn’t as many people for the opening bands, which included Bright Light Fever, The Kegels and After Midnight Project. With the crowd that was there, it seemed as if the bands were early for their own show. Maybe it was the $20 student price tag or the $25 non-student price for tickets that scared people away, or maybe Sac State just wasn’t ready for the fledgling punk bands of today. My initial count of concertgoers was 35. That’s right, 35. There were more people working the show than attending it, not to mention that those working looked like they wanted to shoot themselves.

Onto to those mercurial opening acts, which in all fairness, did get progressively better as the night went on. I have a theory on opening bands that was proven at this show. The earlier you go on the less well-known you are. Which means that you probably don’t have as much money, which also means that your equipment isn’t that good either, which in turn makes you sound worse regardless of your talent and keeps you in the state of opening band. The first band, Bright Light Fever, had completely incomprehensible lyrics and was loud more than anything else. The Kegels fared better, but more of the same repetitive guitar riffs and jumping around on stage. After Midnight Project was by far the best of the openers, but still did little to elicit more than the most fleeting emotion from the underwhelming crowd, now of about 50.

Finally, the reason the whole handful of people came: Goldfinger. There is nothing wrong with following your dream, especially if you can still get paid to do so. Lead singer of the band, John Feldmann, at 41 is living proof of that very statement. He and the rest of his band all look like they could be the parents of some of the kids in the crowd, but with some of their on-stage antics seemed less mature than those on the floor. During a guest drum solo by the drummer of After Midnight Project, Goldfinger’s drummer, Darrin Pfeiffer, preceded to stand on top of the closest speaker to the drums and pull down his pants in a vain attempt to distract the new drummer. The solo went on uninterrupted, so Pfeiffer decided to ask the crowd if there were any girls willing to make out with him and once no one raised their hand, he created a large moshpit in the center of the floor.

Musically speaking, after 14 years of playing together the band sounded tight. When the band members were actually playing music, they came off as professional musicians. Even so, they did play the classic winter song, “White Christmas” four times throughout the night and did a cover of Nena’s “99 Luftballons” as well as some other invigorating classics of their own. Overall, for $20 to $25, there were much better ways to spend your night than with Goldfinger.

Matt Rascher can be reached at [email protected]