Let’s get one thing straight. No one likes the drunken girl at the party. And vice versa, no one likes the belligerent drunken guy. So how can you avoid becoming the drunken disaster at the bottom of the stairs who everyone is laughing at? Be drunk, responsibly.

Being inspired to write this after caring for a friend all night, I’ve come to the conclusion that drinking can be fun, or it can end up being a horrible memory you try to erase from your mind the next morning. Trying to remember what horrible crimes or mistakes you’ve committed in your drunken stupor is a clear sign that you were not at all aware of your limitations or actions the night before. The obvious thing to remember is to just do it responsibly. I’m not going to tell you not to get drunk, because you’ll do it anyway. Just do it with a little class where you don’t end up losing your dignity and grace.

There are key things to know when you plan to drink, and drink heavily. Stick to a plan. Before you start to drink, decide how much you are planning on consuming. Ask a friend to watch your intake or make a list in your head and make sure you only have two shots of Patron and a Long Island, or three shots of Vodka and a Bay Breeze or whatever your personal favorites are.

If you accidentally get drunk and you lose your list or friend, then make sure you stay drunk enough to keep your mood, but alert enough to know what you are doing. The last thing you want to happen is to end up dancing on the front lawn with a random person who’s only wearing socks and a cowboy hat. Bad memories.

A big mission to accomplish is always remember your limits. Know what you can and can’t do. Don’t try to take on people three times your weight and height and expect to out drink them because you will fail and end up looking really bad doing it. The porcelain god will become your only friend for the night.

It takes different amounts of alcohol to get different people drunk. Men and women absorb alcohol differently. In general, men can drink more than women before getting drunk, and alcohol tolerances change depending on factors such as size, mood, fullness and fatigue. If you are a first-time drinker, be aware of how much you are drinking. Go slowly and get to know your limit; often it takes longer for alcohol to absorb into your bloodstream than you might think, and intoxication can sneak up on you.

Another big mistake is not eating prior to drinking. Eating before drinking is a must. Don’t take seven shots of Belvedere, two shots of Jack Daniels and drink three Adios’s and think you’ll be just fine. Foods such as cheese and crackers help slow the absorption of alcohol into the bloodstream. In my experience, I have found that Jack-in-the-Box tacos work just great as a pre-drinking feast.

Last, but definitely not least, don’t mix your drinks. Whether it’s beer and liquor or vodka and tequila, know what you can’t mix in your body. Just remember to follow that old saying, beer before liquor makes you sicker. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear. Avoiding a hangover is the goal when it comes to drinking large amounts of alcoholic beverages. Don’t let anyone scheme you into playing beer pong where you’re forced to mix the tequila you’ve already consumed with the boxed wine waiting for you on the table.

All I ask is for you to be responsible when drinking with friends or, if you like, strangers. Just know what you’re doing and where you are when you decide to get completely, unspeakably drunk. Know your limit and slow your roll.