The hardest thing to tackle in a relationship, whether it’s something new or has been progressing for years, is what to do if your partner is bad in bed.

Normally, I’m the type of person who says what she feels and would yawn in someone’s face if they were boring. But, I have experienced uncomfortable and awkward sex with a nice guy I actually somewhat cared for. I wasn’t about to go crush his heart with a mallet by telling him I’d rather watch T.V. than be intimate with him.

When I say uncomfortable and awkward, I mean it was like having a flapping fish on top of me, silently staring at me. It was awful. No talking, no noises, nothing. He didn’t want to switch positions or try new things. It was truly an uncomfortable and awkward experience.

Lucky for me, we drifted apart naturally so I didn’t have to go through this dilemma. But, for all you crazy kids out there who care for the person you are sleeping with: What you should do if your partner is bad in bed.

According to hookingupsmart.com, 92 percent of men and women have five or fewer partners in college. That means everyone you will probably interact with is likely not to be a sex god. That’s a good thing. You both will have the humility to be open to change.

Now, if the person you are sleeping with is a sloppy kisser; try to take control of the kiss. Instead of feverishly shoving your tongue into their mouth, go slow and kiss with your lips rather than your tongue. Stop exchanging saliva and be gentle – this will calm them down long enough for you both to rid your mouth of their spit and start again.

If the person you are sleeping with acts a doll rather than a person, try and engage them more. Talk to them, ask them if they like what you are doing. I don’t mean stop what you are doing and start a conversation, but between kisses and switching positions, try and get some sexy talk going. This will let you know if they are becoming more comfortable and willing to try more things.

When it comes to sexy talk, be subtle. I was with a guy for the first time when he flat out said, “yeah, like that b—-.” I promptly replied with a few curse words of my own and left. I’ve ignored every text and call since. In time, you’ll find out if your partner enjoys vulgar names or not. You can never go wrong with telling a person you like what they are doing and to keep going.

If the person you are sleeping with is fumbling and self-conscious, try and be intimate in a non-sexual environment. By this I mean take a shower together beforehand. This will allow you both to let your guard down in a way that you don’t feel like the other is judging you or picking apart your body. Be comfortable and confident – they are obviously into you if they are sleeping with you.

If your partner has a tendency to, um, beat you to the punch, start to increase the time of foreplay. Run your hands along his or her body instead of using your mouth. Touch can be very stimulating without pushing them too far, too fast.

If you feel like your partner is too inexperienced for your taste, buy a book on Kama Sutra and go through the book together. You will comfort your partner while exploring their boundaries – then feel free to push those boundaries.

One really simple position is called the “Torrid Triangle” and is similar to missionary but with a twist. Normally the male, or dominate role, is on top and thrusting down – instead, have him, the top, stay elevated above you while you raise your hips to meet his. This will give you the control. Eventually allow him to lower his body to find a rhythm you both can enjoy.

One rule: Never flat out tell your partner he or she is lousy in bed. You would be completely killing that person’s confidence and probably make them never want to have sex again – something no one should endure.

The only way to get better at something is to practice, so put down the remote, grab your lover and get to it.

 

Ashley can be reached at: [email protected]