Men constantly ask me, “what is the secret to women and what do they want?” It’s really simple, or at least it should be. Women may seem difficult or complicated, but in all sincerity, there is no secret to what we want.

So what is it women want, need and crave?

WORDS!

Yes, that’s right, I said words. WOMEN LOVE WORDS.

You know, those things you form with your mouth by making sounds and syllables?

We love words, texts, phone calls, letters, emails and good old-fashioned talking. Say it loud, say it quiet, tell us once, tell us twice, write on a napkin or in a card attached to flowers – whatever is on your mind, whenever it’s on your mind.

Just say it.

Tell us anything, be it how your day was or how much you love when we clean the house in booty shorts and a T-shirt – spit it out.

Recently, I was dating this guy, and not just any guy. This guy was almost perfect. He was smart, hilarious, handsome and he made me smile. I mean, my face hurt from smiling so much whenever we spent time together.

And here is the icing on the cake, he was a killer lover! I mean seriously, ridiculous in bed and not shy about giving a girl an earth-shattering orgasm.

Finally, a guy who likes sex and humor as much as I do. I couldn’t have built a better date. How can you possibly go wrong with a guy who is giving in and out of bed, and does it with a sense of sarcasm?

Then he went and made a fatal error.

The error every guy has made – the one that ruins everything, the one that brings on such throes of disappointment there is really no return.

He had nothing to say.

After a four-year college education ending in a degree, during which you had to learn how to write, transcribe and communicate efficiently, you have nothing to say? Unbelievable. Not only is that completely unacceptable, it’s unattractive.

I know for a fact men can multitask. If you couldn’t multitask, i.e. masturbate and scroll through porn at the same time, the porn industry wouldn’t make billions.

However, before I toss out all my faith in men, here is my last desperate attempt.

It’s really simple, so simple they teach you in elementary school. You’ve probably been doing it since around the time you learned to walk.

It’s called talking.

OK, it may require a little more finesse than that, but just try something for me.

Next time your girlfriend is pissed and you can’t figure out why, use those words to ask her why. Tell her something you like or dislike, tell her how you feel and see if after 10 minutes of talking things out she does not change her tune. Or at least stop her from considering a few weeks of self-inflicted celibacy to change YOUR tune.

I’ll do you one even better.

Next time you see a girl you think is attractive, ask her about herself, strike up a conversation and see if she doesn’t melt that icy indifferent exterior she wears so often.

Guys, all your problems with women can be solved through communication. Those recurring fights with your mom about not calling her enough? Fixed. Your best friend being pissed because you acted like a jerk, or that co-worker you’re having issues with? Fixed. The silent treatment from your girlfriend who thinks you’re a jerk? Mostly fixed, although flowers never hurt.

Even the awesome girl making eyes at you in English class you blew it with – these things are simple to fix.

Open the lines of communication and stand back in amazement. Write a note, sing a song, carve it in a tree or paint it on an overpass.

Whatever you do, don’t blow your chances with an awesome woman because you can’t buck up the courage to talk.

You never really know when you’ll meet the woman who rocks your world. The one with the adorable husky who loves beer, cars, cooking and reading Playboy magazine.

Yes, we do exist.

Don’t blow it because you copped out and had nothing to say.

Just use your words like a grown man and you will be amazed at the results. As complicated, confusing and frustrating as women can be, the secret to handling us is really not complicated at all. All you need to do is open your mouth.

It really is THAT simple.