I wouldn’t be cool if I rolled through campus in Lebron James’ hummer and walked around with Hornet cheerleaders draped over each arm. So this column doesn’t apply to me.

But as an outsider looking into the gelled hair, cell phone-chatting world that society’s cool people currently call home, I have made one rather shocking observation: It’s no longer cool to have school pride, especially when it comes to attending athletic events.

Cool is sitting courtside with the Maloof brothers; cool is claiming you could play for the Hornet basketball team; cool is spending upwards of $500 for an authentic Gail Sayers jersey. That’s cool.Telling people you work for the school newspaper — not cool. Driving around in a ’94 Geo Prism — not cool. Attending this Saturday’s women’s basketball game — not cool, even if it is free for students with a One Card.

Don’t forget the rules for being cool, people:

1. Always have a snazzy line when passing someone you know. “Hey” and “hello” just aren’t cutting it anymore. Last I checked, you’re better off using, “Wus crackin'” and “Yo, what’s up with you dawg.”

2. If you are walking through campus alone, make sure you are on your cell phone. Talk loud so nobody mistakes you for someone capable of getting from point A to point B without taking part in a petty, mindless conversation.

If you have nobody to talk to, check for missed calls and voice messages.

3. And most importantly, never take advantage of sales, giveaways or free admission to sporting events. In fact, you probably shouldn’t be seen reading this newspaper. Go buy a copy of The Bee, because cheap is never cool.

If it was, I wouldn’t be the only one wearing the same pair of shoes over an eight-month span. I wouldn’t be the only one cramming for tests on the second floor of the Hornet Bookstore. And I wouldn’t be the only one ordering six soft tacos for $3 at the Del Taco drive thru. “No drink please, there’s water at home.”

So be cool, stay away from Hornet sporting events. But make sure to drop down a few crispy Franklins when the Lakers come to town.

But if the Hornet men’s basketball team were to qualify for the NCAA Tournament in the next few years, make sure you jump on the Hornet bandwagon because that would be cool. All you Kings fans know where I’m coming from, right?

But for now, reserve your Thursday and Saturday nights for beer, blunts and babes, not Hornet hoops. You could always lie and say you were there when Derek Lambeth made that buzzer-beating 3-pointer to put Sac State in the Big Sky Tournament. You can always pretend you stormed the court that night.

But you didn’t, remember. You were too cool.