Dearest NBA,

I’m not really sure how to put this, so I’ll just come out and say it. I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Somewhere inside me I just know this relationship is not working out.

It’s not me, it’s you. You’ve been acting really weird ever since Jordan won his last championship. You’ve changed.

Sure, we had a nice Valentine’s Day. That dunk contest … it was special, I’m not going to lie. We used to have such good times. I mean, remember Jordan’s kinda-sorta last shot to beat the Jazz in the finals?

We had so much fun. But then you started getting all weird on me. You broke up with me for a few months when you decided to lockout. And when I took you back after that, things were just never the same.

Did you really think feeding me a sandwich of two stale Spurs Championships packed with a dry Lakers three-peat would satisfy my hunger?

Time and time again I’ve tried to make things work between us, but I just cannot wait any longer. You’re just not the same.

Your quality of play isn’t what it used to be. The one-on-one style of play has come to bore me and the exhausting 82-game schedule is too long to hold my interest. The imbalance between the East and West, the lack of scoring, the lack of team play.

It’s just become too much.

You think you’re so damn cool with your hip-hop commercials and retro jerseys. Your head has become too big — drop the ego and bring back the quality team basketball I thought you were. And talk about high maintenance — it costs me a fortune just to spend an evening with you.

My long drives to the arena in Oakland to watch the Warriors. You think that was easy for me? Do you!

Your drug problems, alcohol abuse, playing with firearms … Oh, and don’t think I forgot about the incident at that Colorado resort.

Not to mention all the time you’ve been spending with the WNBA. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice? Did you think I wouldn’t care?

I can hardly look you in the eyes anymore.

Oh, and I’ve met someone else. I’ve been seeing them for awhile now and they really know how to treat a fan. College basketball and I are very happy together.We’ve been spending a lot of time together. The Stanford-Arizona classic two Saturday’s ago was a real eye-opener for me. I knew it was time for me to move on and be with the NCAA.

You probably didn’t even notice I was gone.

College basketball gives me everything I need: A concise, action packed season filled with prominent rivalries and upsets, all played with a certain innocence that you lost when Dennis Rodman busted onto the scene.

And do I really have to mention March Madness?

I have so much love to express as a fan and I need somebody who can fulfill my every need. College basketball is that somebody.

I know it will be hard to let go, and maybe I’ll regret this later. Perhaps one day we can mend our differences and get back together.

But for now, let’s try not to let this get too awkward.

Sincerely yours,

Jimmy

P.S.: Please stop calling, it’s too hard.

Contact Jimmy Spencer at [email protected]