“Every girl crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man.”
ZZ Top said that. For those that don’t know, the members of ZZ Top don’t look like they should be sharply dressed. They’re rarely seen without trademark long beards and sunglasses. They look like extras hired to blend into an episode of Duck Dynasty.
In other words, they don’t look like they belong in suits. They know they don’t belong in suits. And in the video for “Sharp Dressed Man,” the members of ZZ Top are among the only men not wearing suits.
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Some people, like ZZ Top, know their lane and stay in it. They don’t take risks and don’t step out of their comfort zones.
But our mascot, Herky? Herky knows no such bounds.
Herky is a muscle-jacked hornet. A jock, obsessed with sports and school spirit. We usually see him in athletic gear, showing off his Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson-esque foam physique, imploring us to do a bunch of things students don’t want to do, like cheer, smile or acknowledge that we go to Sac State.
Herky knows he doesn’t belong in a suit, but he regularly puts one on anyway. He wore a three-piece number to this year’s Green and Gold Gala. And he rocked the shit out of it.
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Look at the life of the party. He’s holding court. Look how happy he’s making everyone; a fancy bug in a fancy suit making fancy people in fancy clothes happy at a fancy party.
While he schmoozes, he’s probably thinking about sports or working out, of course. But for one night, the suit helps him hide it.
I’ve been vocal about Herky’s outfit choices, and still say Herky should meme his way to internet fame and drag Sac State with him along the way. But nobody gets to the top without shaking hands and rubbing elbows.
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However, Herky can’t rub elbows unless he’s wearing sleeves, because his exposed elbows are so sharp they can cut a man clean in half. You should also never shake Herky’s hand weakly, as he sees it as an invitation to break your pinky finger so your stinger will remain up for the rest of your life.
It’s kind of a good idea to never initiate physical contact with Herky.
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So yeah. Business Herky won “Best Herky Look.” But is it the actual best look for Herky? We won’t know until he really steps out of his lane. Like, really really.
I want to see Herky in every look known to college students. I want every subculture of every Sac State student represented on Herky’s chiseled frame.
Raver Herky. Yeah, I said it. I’m not even a raver. But I can picture it now.
Glowing armbands, no shirt. Do compound eyes dilate? Can an insect with skin made of felt sweat? I don’t know, but I want to see it.
If you’ve read this far, you now have a duty. If you see Herky on campus, walk up to him. Get his attention. Whisper to him the look you want to see him in. Google won’t tell me if Hornets have ears, so consider writing it down for him.
Herky is our representative, our avatar. Beholden to reflecting us. A ball of yoked clay, ready to be molded into our collective yet individual shapes.
Students are what make Sac State what it is; we won’t get the true “Best Herky Look” until we’ve seen them all.
For a full list of 2019 Best of Sac State results, click here.