SPICY TAKES: Pubes in a modern age

How can I overcome my insecurities regarding pubic hair?

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SPICY TAKES: Pubes in a modern age

Sierra Savage - The State Hornet

Sierra Savage - The State Hornet

Sierra Savage - The State Hornet

Sierra Savage

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Reader be advised: Sierra’s Spicy Takes is, as the kids might say, NSFW. Read at your own discretion.

Everyone past the age of puberty has struggled with it at some point in time. Today we’re recognizing that struggle by talking about pubic hair. Does it matter? Do the people you’re screwing care? Let’s take a deeper dive with this week’s spicy take.

Q: Razoring down there sucks and I’m scared to get a bikini wax. It’s what pulled me back from having sex, how do I overcome my insecurity?

  • Yeezy Sis

A: To have pubes or to not have pubes? That is the question.

I was 19 when I lost my virginity and really unhappy with myself.

I was with my best friend Cara at the time, who was dating Derek, a guy that I was really into. Understandably, I was feeling worse about myself than usual. Derek’s best friend Andrew was also there.

All four of us went to the local Walmart and bought way too much alcohol along with cheap juice to mix it with. Looking back, this should’ve been a sign to young Sierra, but she was not the seasoned advice columnist she is today.

We probably got a little too plastered in Andrew’s backyard. It was one of those summer nights where you’re drunk and there are Christmas lights hung haphazardly over your head and everything has a kind of golden glow that just can’t be purposefully replicated.

Everyone kissed everyone. I kissed Andrew and Derek and even Cara that night. I’m sure that it was messier than I’d like to admit.  

All of a sudden, I was in the bathroom with Cara, who braided my hair and gave me the “first time” pep talk. I couldn’t tell you one thing she said, half because of nerves and half because of alcohol.

And then it happened. I had sex. All I can remember thinking about is how embarrassing it was that I hadn’t shaved. I have never been more grateful for liquid courage than I have been in that moment.

I woke up the next morning and was pretty royally hungover. I had half a bloody mary and left.

Cara and Derek broke up a few weeks later and I never really spoke to Andrew again.

I was so convinced that boys cared about body hair that, had I not been on the verge of blackout drunk, my first time probably wouldn’t have happened because my legs weren’t shaved.

If you’re like me, you might feel weird and unconfident, and body hair is something that may hold you back more than help you. I had many times where I played the role of a supportive friend instead of making myself happy. All the kisses I missed have been made up for now, but in 2014, this experience was a blessing in the disguise of alcohol.

In my experience, which is now a lot more substantial, they pretty much don’t care AT ALL. Some people may say they prefer a certain amount of hair down there —  a 2017 study found that an average of 76 percent of adults groom their pubic hair — but at the end of the day, body hair or not, hasn’t stopped me or any person I know from having sex.

You don’t have to shave and you don’t have to abstain. The point of grooming anything is to be clean and feel good about yourself. Whatever amount of pubes makes you feel that way is the right amount for you.

RELATED: Sierra’s Spicy Takes: Bad hygiene and age gaps

At 23, I hate shaving. It’s awful, time-consuming and uncomfortable. On the other hand, it’s also cheap and works well. We have a love/hate relationship.

However, I recommend waxing for pubic hair grooming. I’ve personally had really good experiences. It’s a little painful but not any worse than accidentally cutting yourself while shaving. My current go-to waxing salon is Sleek Wax Bar, conveniently located in midtown.

A wax will typically last for 6-8 weeks and once you get over the fact that you’re baring your genitals to a complete stranger, it’s smooth sailing. It’s also been easier every time since, whether I see the same aesthetician or a new one.

At the end of the day, if someone loves you — or even just wants to have sex with you — they’re not going to care as long as you are a clean person.

Knowing all of this is only half of the battle. Coming to terms with your own body and being able to own it no matter how much hair is on it is another story entirely.

You only get one body, so I’m learning how to best love mine and my process will very likely be different than yours. I have personally found that taking time to engage in self-care helps a lot. A part of my process includes recognizing what my body has done and can do.

If you’re going to be sleeping with someone who’s worth any of your time, I’m sure they are going to assure you that they find you beautiful and sexy even if you don’t always see yourself that way.

Even if you’re not done with your journey to self-acceptance and love, taking the leap of faith and having sex anyways just might be the push you needed all along.

If you have better advice for me or for my readers, please write in and your responses may be published. Don’t forget to submit your questions here or below and come back next week to read more Spicy Takes with Sierra!

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