Sierra’s Spicy Takes: New year, new you?


Photo and illustrations by Emily Rabasto - The State Hornet

Meet the face behind the new advice column at The State Hornet "Sierra's Spicy Takes," Sierra Savage.

Sierra Savage, Distribution manager

Reader be advised: Sierra’s Spicy Takes is, as the kids might say, NSFW. Read at your own discretion.

This winter break has been the best of times and the worst of times.

It’s really allowed me a lot of time for self-reflection. I’ve had friends who have struggled unexpectedly and unimaginably as well as friends who have absolutely flourished. I’ve been drifting somewhere in the middle, which has been hard in its own regard. I’ve grown tired of fake friends and people who are only around me for the wrong reasons.

We are all good enough to enjoy the people we keep in our lives. We all deserve happiness. I truly believe with the right support, we can get there.

That’s my goal for Spicy Takes this semester, so I hope you’re all ready to better ourselves together. It’s gonna be tough but it’s gonna be worth it. And with that, let’s answer the first question of the year…

Q: Hi Sierra,

I’ve been dating a guy for about three months now. It feels like things are going really slowly and we haven’t had the “relationship talk” yet. We have yet to have sex, however, we’ve gotten to third base. I’ve asked him about why we are moving at such a slow pace (without asking about the lack of sex) and he explained that due to his dating history, he is afraid to be serious too quickly. I am wondering if you have any advice on how to confront this issue? I want to pursue a relationship but I get nervous and don’t want to come off as “clingy.” We don’t usually talk about relationship stuff and I get scared bringing it up too often. Do I stick around? Or end it now?

  • Lady Nerves

A: Ahh, the dreaded “relationship talk.” It’s one of the hardest parts of establishing a relationship. In my opinion, also one of the most tedious and unnecessary parts.

Also, you’re not clingy. Society wants you to think you’re clingy but you’re NOT.

I’m assuming that you’re already into this person and that he’s into you, seeing as how you guys have been fooling around for a while.

My advice would really depend on whether or not you would still be interested in seeing him this way if you knew it was going nowhere. If he told you that he would never be interested in a relationship or emotionally unavailable, would you still want to spend time with him?

If your answer is yes, then it shouldn’t really matter whether or not you’re in a relationship. It sounds like you’re having fun and spending time with someone you seem to genuinely like regardless of where you guys might be in the future.

Living in the moment and not worrying about where a relationship might (or might not) be going can be really freeing. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with spending your time with someone you don’t plan to marry. Youth isn’t just for finding your husband while he’s hot.

However, if your answer is no, then I suggest you just tackle the relationship talk. It will either result in a relationship or not. If not, then you can move on and work towards finding someone more right for you.

Have you asked about his previous relationships? If so, has he been open to talking about them? If not, that’s a red flag. It means he was either at fault or was hurt pretty badly (which might mean that he hasn’t moved on).

To recap: You’re not clingy. Think about what you want out of this relationship and the best way to achieve it. Don’t forget you’re not clingy!!!

Good luck Lady Nerves and as always, send me an update, I’m dying to know the tea.

If you have better advice for me or for my readers, please write in and your responses may be published. Don’t forget to submit your questions here or below and come back next week to read more Spicy Takes with Sierra!