Sierra’s Spicy Takes: Sexuality, pity dating and sugar daddies


Photo and illustrations by Emily Rabasto - The State Hornet

Meet the face behind the new advice column at The State Hornet "Sierra's Spicy Takes," Sierra Savage.

Sierra Savage, Distribution manager

Reader be advised: Sierra’s Spicy Takes is, as the kids might say, NSFW. Read at your own discretion.

As we head into cuffing season, it’s important to remember that it is our duty as people to make sure we actually at least kind of like the person we are spending time with. Also, unless explicitly stated, don’t just use them for fancy meals that they probably struggle to afford.

Q: “How did you figure out your sexuality? How do you know if you truly care about someone early in a relationship or date hood when you still look for other options? Am I just pity dating them?”


A: In my opinion, your submission is really two separate questions. First, figuring out sexuality and second, pity dating.

I consider myself lucky. I’ve known I am bisexual since I was in seventh grade, and my coming out process was fairly quick and simple. I lost a few friends who were young, religious and scared. That lead me into the arms of the friend group I had all the way through high school, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

As for advice on figuring out your sexuality, it is more difficult. Some people wake up one day and know, and others struggle for years. I would suggest talking to loved ones about the way you are feeling or exploring different definitions.

Even various kinds of pornography in the privacy of your own home can allow you to experiment and see what kinds of things you may be into. Pro tip: I would recommend the same thing if you’re looking into entering the kink community!

RELATED: Studying (and dating) abroad and blowjobs

If none of those work for you, I would say just go out and actually experience some things and let those experiences help you find who you really are.

Now, for the second half of your question. Here’s what you do if you don’t find somebody interesting or attractive or worth your time: DON’T DATE THEM.

I don’t see the problem with looking at other options, unless you guys have specifically stated that you would be exclusive. However, it’s always best to just be open and honest with your current partner.

Nobody wants to be pitied dated. Please don’t pity date people. It’s OK to be friends or simply just reject someone.

Hopefully, this was helpful but if you want or need a follow-up, holla at me KLINN!

Q: “Sugar daddies… why is there a huge stigma as to why girls shouldn’t get one or consider finding one? I’m going through my last year of college, and things are starting to pick up financially. My checks from both my jobs are only making it for all my bills and I have little extra for any personal expenses, like shopping. I’m tired of loans and I do not get any financial support from family. To get a sugar daddy or to not? How do I go about it safely? Do you know anyone who had/has a sugar daddy?”

  • Need Sugar

A: I think there are two major reasons why there is a stigma around the acquisition and keeping sugar daddies.

People are worried about safety.

There have been countless stories of arrangements gone wrong, because it’s interesting news. But even if they seemingly work well, they’re taboo.

But that isn’t completely unfounded. It can be incredibly dangerous to meet a man that you don’t know especially if you’re alone and expectations aren’t clearly laid out (but even then, things can go awry.)

I’ve never had a sugar daddy, but if I were going to, I would go through a reputable website. I would also inform a friend and most likely have them tag along (a great opportunity for your bestie to dress like an “inconspicuous” spy) if there were any doubts in my mind.

If you’ve had a sugar daddy, please reach out to me! I would love to know your thoughts and hear your experiences.

People are prudes!

As mentioned in my spicy takes introduction, people are prudes.

It is absolutely OK to be more adventurous about things than your peers. If you want a sugar daddy and you plan to be as safe as possible, go get that man!

If you want to take out loans and buy sex toys because you don’t need a man as often as you need to orgasm, do that instead!

Sex and the things surrounding it have always been taboo, but that is no reason to not engage.

Overall, I think you’re going to find it just as time-consuming as getting a job, so it might be best to start there, but who knows, maybe you’ll get spoiled and I’m completely wrong. Good luck either way, and congrats on actually graduating. You’re an inspiration to us all. Keep me updated, Need Sugar.

If you have better advice for me or for my readers, please write in and your responses may be published. Don’t forget to submit your questions here or below and come back next week to read more Spicy Takes with Sierra!