The Buzzarre Editorial staff

  • University Police received reports of a man hitting a vending machine in Amador Hall on May 1 around 2 p.m. Once officers responded to the scene, they found the man crying because his Twix bar was allegedly stuck inside the machine.


  • On May 2 around noon, a University Police officer witnessed a woman who threw her gum wrapper on the ground outside of the University Union. The officer responded to the scofflaw’s actions and cited her for littering on campus. The woman then promptly littered the littering citation after the officer left.
  • A man’s bike was reportedly stolen from the outside of Calaveras Hall on May 2 around 3 p.m. after it had been reportedly locked to a pole. Unfortunately, the pole was only four feet tall and the bike was easily lifted up and stolen away.
  • A University Police officer stopped a large man riding a scooter throughout the library on Thursday around 9 a.m. The man initially resisted arrest by scootering away, but the officer quickly caught up and arrested him because scooters are allegedly never effective ways of transportation.
  • On Thursday, University Police received reports about a man’s front wheels being stolen off of his skateboard sometime between 3 and 5 p.m. His skateboard was locked outside of the Well in one of the skateboard racks.
  • University Police Dispatch received a report on Friday of a man who said he locked his keys in his car parked in Parking Structure II. Once officers responded to the scene, to their surprise they found the man had actually locked his keys and himself within his car. They let the man figure that one out.
  • An elderly man’s unattended typewriter was reported stolen from inside the University Library on Friday around 3 p.m. University Police has yet to find the suspected thief.
  • A report of indecent exposure in the University Library was received on Friday. University Police found a man in nothing but a trench coat standing on top of the escalator exit, waiting for oncoming passersby. The man was arrested, booked and given pants in the Sacramento County Main Jail.


  • A squirrel was arrested by Animal Control for indecent exposure for exposing its nuts on Monday afternoon in the Library Quad. The report was filed by a member of the goose gang on campus. The squirrel was booked in the Sacramento County Main Jail.


  • Eight squirrels were cited and arrested by University Police for disrupting the flow of foot traffic throughout the main walkways on campus Tuesday morning. Several students filed complaints about the squirrels’ aggressive and hostile behavior. Although no one was harmed, University Police is aware of the situation and will monitor it more closely this week.