Dante’s peek: Summer movies

Dante’s peek: Summer movies

State Hornet Staff

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Summer in Sacramento means three things for me: an unhealthy amount of sweat, blacking out near rivers, and thinking that every movie that’s released will be the best movie ever.

But at more than $10 a ticket for one of those old fashioned 2-D movies, seeing every movie that comes out is not an option for most. That’s why I use my sharpened prejudice to decide what movies are most likely to be worth my time and money.

“Cowboys and Aliens”

When it comes to movies, I have an affinity for the absurd. While mainstream movies can be just as great, I have an extra appreciation for those who make a movie that centers around a “WTF?!” idea.

Even if the filmmakers overreached with their ambitious idea, I’d rather watch something with a ridiculously inane premise than something the studio lazily manufactured.

It’s easy for a studio to greenlight another formulaic rom-com starring Katherine Heigl and Johnny Knoxville as a mismatched couple. “Oh, how will these two ever set aside their differences and see that they are meant to be?!” But it takes balls to release a movie about a British man as a time-traveling cowboy who fights aliens with a bracelet.

That’s the plot of “Cowboys & Aliens,” starring Daniel Craig, which is one of a few intriguing against-the-grain films that will come out this summer.

Here are the other films that were made with an admirable disregard for reality.

“Attack the Block”

British accents, sport bikes, furry wolf-like aliens, and Nick Frost from “Shaun of The Dead” and “Hot Fuzz.” If that didn’t get your nerd fanboy juices flowing than you must be … a normal human being. South By Southwest hit “Attack the Block” is a British indie film – Wait! Don’t give up on it! – about a gang of smart-ass teens that fight off an alien invasion in their south London project. It’s like Gremlins meets The Warriors meets … Annie? Whatever, it’s British, and it’s going to rock.

“The Zookeeper”

Even though “The Zookeeper” is a studio film, it may have the most preposterous premise of all. The talking animals of a zoo help the zookeeper, Kevin James, in his attempt to court his dream girl, played by Rosario Dawson. OK, I’ll buy that animals might have a code of silence, and also that when they break that code, every species speaks English. But I won’t buy the idea that any living thing, human or otherwise, would ever think that James would have a shot with Dawson. This plot point is more fantastical than anything that happened in the “Lord of The Rings” trilogy. If there’s a sex scene – and I’m torn on whether or not I’m wishing for one – Dawson should be automatically nominated for an Oscar.

“Thor”

A summer certainty is the release of an array of superhero movies. This summer, there are two particularly notable superhero movies.

“Thor” comes out May 6 and features a pair of biceps that go by the name Chris Hemsworth. I had to re-watch the trailer for this movie a dozen times because I needed to be convinced that his arms weren’t the product of special effects. My research has me believing that they are real and wonderful. Worth price of admission. Oh, and that Natalie Portman chick is in it too – if that does anything for you.

Writer’s Note: Please look forward to the upcoming column, “How admiring another man’s body isn’t necessarily gay.”

“The Green Lantern”

The other superhero movie is “The Green Lantern,” starring Ryan Reynolds. After a decent effort at “acting” in “respectable movies” like “Adventureland” and “Buried,” Reynolds is back in a much more fitting role. But this might be his last chance to prove himself to me. I want to like him so much. He’s an affable, handsome guy who at one time possessed the two things I wanted most – perfect abs and Scarlett Johansson – but I question whether he has any acting chops beyond his “Hey I’m a good-looking, wise-cracking slacker!” delivery.

“X-Men: First Class”

And if you’re quick to point out that I forgot to mention the fifth installment of a certain “X” franchise, I know. It might be awesome, but I’m still so mad at the last one that I’m choosing to ignore this Hugh Jackman-less flick.

“The Smurfs”

Speaking of anger, Columbia Pictures is releasing “The Smurfs,” a combo live-action/animated kid’s movie starring Neil Patrick Harris and Anna Farris. Hey Hollywood, stop trying to trick people into thinking that Anna Farris is funny. She’s not. Also, stop trying to trick people into thinking she’s attractive. She’s not.

But Farris isn’t even the reason I already hate this film. I hate it because the CGI character “Smurfette” is voiced by pop-singer and Russel Brand-lover Katy Perry.

Hiring Perry to make her film-acting debut as a voice-actress makes about as much sense as hiring a bra to sing. But maybe this is just ingenious marketing, because thinking of Perry without actually seeing her is sure to turn me as blue as Papa Smurf.

So while some of those big-budget flicks will contain plenty of action and star power, don’t be afraid to take some chances on the movies flying under the radar. Also, be careful when taking naps on river banks.

Dante Frattini can be reached at [email protected].